I wish I was a stone that time will gradually cover with moss and oblivion. And this will blunt the pain of your neglect and hatred.
I wish I was a stone that does not change, does not dream and does not feel sorrow for its unfulfilled dreams.
I wish I did not dream of you anymore, it brings unbearable suffering because of the thought that you are unreachable away from me.
That is exactly why I want to be a stone that does not need the others to be merciful to it because it has no mercy for itself.
I wish I was a stone to be of the same material made with you. Because only then I will not feel pain, the impossible pain of thinking that you have already turned your heart into a stone.
And the stones do not cry. The stones do not dream, they are indifferent to love and hate. The stones do not need to have God who can donate them with immortality. God who can promise them eternal love and memory.
We, the stones, are immortal and without God. Cold and impervious to eternity.
I have no heart to suffer. And because I have no heart, it can never be broken. Nothing can affect me anymore. Absolutely nothing.
You are also a stone already, in your heart there is no warmth for me.
Do you remember the beginning? Do you remember when our two hearts looked like two rising stars whose combined energy was able to warm all the cold and gloomy Cosmos.
Because my end was your beginning. And when the gravity met the beginning and the end, love was enough to warm our little lonely hearts. Driven by the gravity, you fall in love with me on purpose. You did it on purpose to destroy me. Because love and pain go hand in hand. Because the love of one is a sorrow and suffering for another.
Then we started retaliating each other. To revenge each other because the gravity met us. We were avenging ourselves, because we were unbearably and painfully close in each other thoughts. We were avenging ourselves until we destroyed what binds us until we became strong and solid like a stone that does not want to feel how far and unattainable the other is.
Until I became a broken stone, thousands of pieces of rock burst out of the pain from you. But you continued to avenge me for falling in love with me. And I had no choice but to be strong and cruel. Strong and cold like a stone that nothing can hurt. Neither storms outside nor those inside me. Neither the betrayals, nor the lies, nor the fatigue of life, nor the turned people’s backs. It cannot hurt me even the fact that God abandons me in the important battles for me. It cannot because God is part of me.
I wish I was a stone that did not feel anything. But I am full of memories, dreams and tenderness. And while I have memories and dreams, I will wait for you, because the Sun has the power to warm up the coldest stone. Because before you became a stone, you were a star, a rising star that I brought up.
So do not believe me that nothing can hurt me. It is a lie.
Because your beginning was my end. Here and now.
I wish.
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