I am not from here. I am trapped in this mortal body. I am immortal and elusive. I have been in this city for a while, and even in this world, for quite a while. But it happened that I met you. When I met you I remembered how God created the universe. With a crashing thunder and a gravity. The dust and the gas created everything visible and invisible. Everything will become a dust at the end.
When the earth turns in a way so that the darkness covers everything, go
out and look at the dark sky, illuminated by distant little lights. From there
I am, I came to visit the earth in this form for a while.
Our story has been repeated for thousands of years and can never come to an
end that would appeal to both of us. Our
story is an endless story, but with a beginning that happened on a summer day
when another meteor burnt into the atmosphere of the earth. You saw the death
of the meteor, but thought it was a falling star and traditionally you made a
wish. I was your wish. You wished to meet me again someday. Love has happened
to you. You were not ready for this love.
So we met. As a fulfilled wish of
the shooting star. As a ready recipe
for a cosmic drama. But I am not what you think I am. I am an elusive energy. I
am not a projection of your
thoughts about me. I am not an image of what you are used to see around you. I
am from your cosmic past and future.
But you are not ready for me. You
have a large window frame in which you have shown some things. They stand there
because you want everyone to see them and to think that you can be trusted. In
this frame, I see a few portraits that people will like to see. But beneath the
large, embraced and showy happy portraits I see something else. It looks like a
cage, a lie, hypocrisy. There is also a great fear coming from one corner. A
fear that if you remove this window frame from your happy life, nothing will
remain. A fear that the others will not accept you well without this frame
cage. But is that really the case?
Where is the place of love in this exemplary cage? Where is the place of the
passion? Of the crazy, burning passion that if it exists, it does not need to
be approved by the others. The passion does not need to be shown in a public
display. It is shy, intimate and quiet as a river that will come every minute
out of its bed. Does the sun need our approval to shine?
And Me? Where is my place in this framework? Somewhere behind the happy
portraits, hidden as a shameful experience.
But I am not from here. You cannot hide me behind yourself. You cannot ignore me visibly and experience me passionately secretly. I am not from here. I am from the stars and I do not fit into a cage.
I am ancient and mythical. Hot energy in me rages. Because I am still
shaping up myself. I am a future star. A huge ball of cosmic dust and gas
gathered from the gravity forever. But I am still shaping up and your little
cage is narrow for me.
I am not from here. Remember that. If you want my love, break the cage. Be
free of the approval of the others. Then my fiery nature will warm your cold
and frightened heart. You have a lonely heart. It is lonely, though it is in
the company of so many portraits. If you want my love, be brave, be mythical
and cosmic.
When God created the universe and the world, He wanted it free and proud.
Because God is our conscience. And our conscience is God. Our conscience about
our lives and about our
pain. God created us free, free of pain. Free yourself from the pain.
I am not from this human world, full
of intentional caused suffering. I am not from a world where people prefer to kill each
other instead of loving each other. Where people allow the differences to
separate them. Where the fear and the hypocrisy kill the longings of the heart.
I am not from here, so I am not promising to stay here to love you right in
this place. Because I can love you everywhere. You are in my heart. And I carry
my heart everywhere with me. The pain reminds me of you, at any time of the
day. That is why I carry my pain with me everywhere to remind me of you. Me and
my pain about you are already one whole. You are in my mind. And I think
constantly about you. I cannot separate you from the thoughts of joy, longing,
sadness. The longing, the sorrow, and the pain are your connection with me.
No, do not make me stay. There is no room for me in this narrow framework.
There are already enough portraits, faded portraits, old portraits, telling of
long-felt feelings and hearts. Portraits of people who are part of your great
formal family. They watch carefully for every possible shuffling of the
portraits around you. Your happiness depends on their approval. You are not free
from their approval. You are not free from their decisions. You
are not free. You cannot decide for your own life alone. The portrait frame is
your prison.
There is no place in this frame for me, the places are long ago occupied
and counted. The world is staring at this frame and knows exactly how many
portraits there are. The world will not forgive you a certain shuffle and
replacement of the portraits. The world is cruel, and you are weak and not
brave enough to rebel against the world. Because everything is clear, precise,
secure and outlined in the portrait frame. There you are part of the group,
because that is how you can exist. You do not need to have a personality beyond
the frame. You are used to being part of the big kennel. You are not a brave
medieval knight who has the courage to defend his lady's honor. No, you are a
small person living in a small narrow frame. Your suffering, pain and longing
for me are so great that they are about to destroy your cozy frame. Even if it
happens someday, even when the frame under the pressure of your great suffering
breaks over me and releases you from your cell, even then you will not escape.
You are small and you have no courage to do so. You do not need your freedom.
You do not need the world to judge you. But the world will always judge you and
condemn whatever you do. And you are not brave enough to face the world. You
are not brave enough to fight for yourself.
And you know what? Even if you free yourself, do not look for me. You are
used to live in frames and even if your old frame breaks, you will
instinctively look for materials to build a new frame. You will put new
portraits in it and you will continue to depend on the world’s opinion and judgement.
One day and your new frame will become too narrow from the great suffering of
your heart. But even then do not look for me. Because I am not from here. I am
a free and proud spirit. Elusive and independent. You cannot shut me up in a
frame. You cannot put me a label and show me to the public, and you cannot dose
your love for me according to the expectations of the society.
I am more than a frame. I am the eternal great energy that met you on my
way, traveling around different worlds. I do not judge you for being
accustomed to living in a frame. But of all the billions of people in the human
world, I gravitated around you to help you to free yourself. To give you from
my courage, inspiration and longing. The pain is the one that connects us. The
pain of the cosmic end, of the cosmic drama of the burning comet you saw before
you met me. There in the sky you saw your destiny.
I am not from here. I am leaving because many more light years of
journey are waiting for me. But to you I leave the memories of my spirit,
courage and light. You are foredoomed
from now on. You are foredoomed every day to think about me. To smile, seeing
me when you close your eyes. To suffer, when your longing for me becomes bigger
with each passing day. And maybe someday you will become so big and so brave
that you will not need a frame. Your memories of me will change you. They will
change you slowly and surely every day and in each of your next lives.
And when after a few lifetimes, I will visit these places again, then you
will follow me. You will recognize me immediately when you see me. You will
recognise my hair, my smile, my eyes in which you will see yourself. When you
recognise me it will be easy and
magical.
Then you will go with me and we will both conquer the universe. We will walk
around all its corners and we will find our God.
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